this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
