I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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