Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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