Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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