I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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