Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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