i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
