who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
