You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize