No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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