my being single is dangerous.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
