Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
