Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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