Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
