How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
