worst night to have a conscience
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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