Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
