I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
