I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
