my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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