haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
