If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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