You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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