Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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