I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
