he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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