Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's always time for handjobs
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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