I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
