I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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