Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
