I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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