Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
