The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So squirting runs in the family.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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