i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
