just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
