the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
