I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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