You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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