I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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