Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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