**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
