i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
