ya dads aren't the best wingmen
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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