Is it because I queefed?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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