I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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