You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
