im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
