in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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