Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
