Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
