I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
