I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
