Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
