...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize