I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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