yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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