she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
