i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
