I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
