it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
